Showing posts with label sadness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sadness. Show all posts

Vegas (sigh)


Oh yes, you might be asking about the title. I can't believe I didn't get to go on a Las Vegas trip! bummer. But that's ok, I have work anyway and we have our medical, I'm the one paying for it - that's the main thing. Hubby was hesitant at first because I wasn't going with them but I insisted that he can go along with his sister and cousins. The kids were with them, too. After the Thanksgiving dinner we had around 1 am they continued on to their trip to Vegas. Hubby's cousins dropped me off at home and I had to sleep alone at 2 am. Got up in the morning around 5:15 I was sooooo tired. Plus I had the sniffles that night and I wasn't feeling good at all but I still went ahead and drove to work anyway. hubby promised me we would go to Vegas again one of these days. Well, that's alright. :) As long as they have fun, I really don't care if I missed the trip plus I'll avoid spending money, too hehehe. They'll be coming home in a few hours probably around 11 pm. And I'm thankful coz hubby asked one of his aunt's to accompany me here in the house while they were gone, isn't that nice? At least I have somebody to talk to. Well, she just left awhile ago It's about 8:23 pm, I'm now alone again. :( anyhoo, They'll be here in no time. Plus, hubby's got a surprise for me according to Celina. I wonder what it is? I'll try not to get too excited hahaa! gotta finish some pending tasks.
Oh, last night I was bidding at ebay for a 32 GB flashdrive for the hubs - and I won! my competitor waited until the last second but I was so quick clicking the button so I got it for $11.58. whew!

angry + happy


I'm pissed... because a few days ago my laptop crashed because I clicked on something and took over my whole computer with spyware! wiped out most of my files grrrr.... hubby was about to sleep but I asked him to fix it, he was a bit irritable (of course, who wouldn't?) but he did manage to get up and restore my computer. I actually cried when he told me that everything was wiped out, he teased me after that because I acted like a baby. I cried under the sheets and he was irritated at me for doing that. Well, I do blame myself for not backing up my files and It's a lesson to be learned. Luckily I had back ups of all my family pictures, thank God. What really hit me so bad was all my digital scrapbook files, the hoarded freebie kits and A lot of the kits and elements I bought from my favorite shops - ALL GONE! I do have a back up of SOME kits that I purchased, but A lot of my favorite ones are goooooone! booooo.
Anyhoo, I'm happy because I start work tomorrow at the SD naval base commissary (fingers crossed) I hope my first day would turn out ok. It's a large store like Pearl Harbor commissary and I am very privileged to get to work there. Now, gotta get some sleep! take care and God bless....

Aloha, Hawaii!










This was taken on my potluck (Sept. 15, 2009) Hello Kitty cupcakes courtesy of Shawn and Jan, my lil best friends at work. Thank you, my Pearl Harbor commissary family! Until we meet again! mahalo nui loa!

I'm too tired to update my blog with pics as well as my flickr. In just a few hours our internet will be gone so I'll be on hiatus for about a month, we leave the island around Sept. 29th. I'll be focusing more on losing weight once I get to the mainland, so bid me goodluck and hoping I could lose A LOT. Thank you, friends! It was a great ride and I will miss all of you...

bye, Pearl Harbor...


Farewell, My Friends © Mild G. Calingo

My friends to you I bid goodbye To the friendship that brought me sky The year has been swell As if coming from a wishing well But as all things do I have to bid adieu How it pains me to But there's nothing I can do Thank you for the memories The laughter and the tears They'll linger in my heart As if we never part If by chance we meet again May it be full of blessings in the rain Yet for now all that I can say Is to God for you I'll pray.


Just feeling a lil emotional right now since my last day on the 15th. I actually cried when my friend from work hugged me that night before we all parted ways. I can't believe I am moving away from them... they are all my best friends and To me they are my second family. I would never forget them. I am so blessed meeting them. I sure treasure The kindness and hospitality they've showed me after all these years. When I came to work friday, I was surprised to see that there were signs for my potluck everywhere! We were supposed to have a little gathering in the cash cage instead on my last day but I guess they wanted to do it the next day. Hubby cooked spaghetti that saturday morning and he helped me drop it off before lunch time. I got a text from Jan saying that I had to come at 12 noon. As soon as I went home, I went straight to the shower and of course I arrived at 12:30 at work, there were lots of food and there were about 3 cakes in total. I received a lot of lei's that day... I feel sooooo sad. On my last day, we had a little potluck in the cash cage My supervisor brought us haupia and Chantilly cake, Jan brought me a gift basket filled with island goodies plus popeyes chicken, ate Ana brought her pancit while I brought garlic buttered shrimp and rice. I promised that night was the last pig out night. I feel so big (because I am really BIG, seriously.) Today I started doing some crunches and some stretches, tomorrow I start my 3 mile walks and that will be everyday from now on. You don't really see a lot of pictures in me lately because I hate myself in pictures... I totally blew it, big time.

Well, I received some gifts as well the best one was a huge picture with a Hawaiian woman on the front, all around it front and back was filled with the sweetest messages from the whole store. Jo ann was behind that gift and It was so sweet of her, too... She was also real emotional on the day of my potluck, I saw her teary eyed. After all these years working with her, I never did know how emotional she was. She was a workaholic and a lot of people don't really get a long with her. But I love her, we all do... They say, you never fully know a person until you've worked with them. That was so true. Thank you so much, my Pearl Harbor commissary family I would never forget you all...

Since I'm officially off from work I might just update my flickr now! maybe after fixing some of my files here I'll get to it soon. :)

depression?



Sometimes, I'm just so fed up with everything online... I want to rant but there are no words coming out. I feel like I have nobody at all but my family, you know. Some of you know that feeling, it comes and goes and I am just wishing this crappy feeling would just disappear! hmm, maybe my hormones are going haywire... I blame it on my period for coming and going and IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!

I badly need a check up. There are days I lose my interest on blogging, flickr, facebook, twitter... everything to me is zero and I feel so abandoned. Maybe a few days from now I'll probably get over these feelings... There's just a lot of things going on at this moment and I don't really wanna disclose it yet on my blog. I'm happy and sad at the same time...

So It's official, we're moving to San Diego around October or November. Earlier than I thought. (sniff)



sad with grief


I lost my bracelet last night. sad, I know. :( after our shift, I went to my locker and grabbed my bag, took off my smock and went to the restroom, I then realized after washing my hands that my darling ol' bracelet is GONE! I suddenly re traced my steps back to the office, my co-worker decided to help me, if things couldn't get any worse this girl (I'm not telling who she is) added to my frustration by telling us: "watch out, you guys! the carpet is wet!" in bossy mode.

wtf? we were standing up in one place only and she's the one walking all around the carpet before she sat down her desk. I just responded with a simple "ok then, let's get outta here!"

When we went out, my friend looked at me and she was like, "did you hear that?"

I was like: "pasalamat sya mabait ako kundi binara ko sya!"

When I went home, after eating hubby came out of the bedroom to go use the bathroom. we greeted each other, when he came out I confessed that I lost my bracelet. he was so furious and told me he wouldn't buy me anymore, which broke my heart of course, that bracelet was a gift from hubby since 2003 christmas time. It was a simple one and I loved it so much. never did I replaced it for another. filled with tears of disappointment, I ironed one of hubby's uniforms, tears kept on falling. aaww, I ma just hoping someone would return it.

I lost my wedding ring once. I lost it a mile away from our house, at the salt lake shopping center. thank God it was night time, I drove back crying on the way because hubby told me I should drive back to where we shopped, It must have slipped somewhere.

thank God, I saw a twinkle from the darkness, must have been from those tiny diamonds, I finally found it! so yeah, it was a miracle finding it again. now I am hoping for another miracle, oh my goodness...

poor, poor mini van..


Well as some of you know our loving mini van went to the doctor, I guess we'll be getting it by Monday, I think. One night, hubby called me while I was surfing the net, telling me that he went into a small accident, I was pretty disappointed at that time but luckily he wasn't hurt or anything plus no one was involved in the accident. It was raining at the time, when he was about to enter the freeway going back to our place by Aloha stadium, by the old cemetery, as he was turning the wheels to the right he said he couldn't turn it, like the wheels were locked in a straight direction so he was braking but he whammed into the rail anyway. The police couldn't locate him coz there wasn't any address at all, it was on the freeway! Then after everything was settled and reported they told him that the place was haunted or something because they had a lot of cases like what happened to hubby, well it is close to the cemetery, need I say more?



I jokingly asked if he speeded, he told me 'no' because first of all if he was speeding the whole front of the vehicle would be totalled! I believed him, the left side was dented and scraped, lights were broken. poor van! What's so funny is we were trying to move to another car insurance, hubbykins got a quote from most of the insurances out there but nothing compares to Geico, I don't think we'll be changing it at all. so funny, it's like it was giving us a hint not to change our insurance (lol).

Our rental car, A Chrysler Sebring convertible. hubby feels like he's single again whenever he drives this, lol. he pretends that we're on a dating stage. I can't blame him, the mini van is definitely for moms only hahaa... he'll be getting one himself soon, right now isn't the right time especially for gas prices still on the rise, but lately I saw the prices going down, every cent counts. At first driving this baby was uncomfortable... I like higher vehicles better. but the 2nd day wasn't bad, got the hang of it. I'm not used to driving with the top down not unlike hubby who loooooves to drive around with the top down =D





aaargh! I miss shopping! I wanna visit Old navy, I can't believe I missed their sales. Maybe I'll go there on my next day off, I need new stuff hehee =D


bag shopping at Old Navy, simple but cheap bags.

In other news, I am currently revamping the site. so please excuse whatever errors you see. will bloghop again later, goshh I miss my other online buddies! I got so addicted to twitter thanks to my Iphone. I promise I'll be stopping by your blogs! mahalo and have a good night to all!

UPDATED: new post at my This and that blog.

thank you, mahalski!


halski just bought me an Iphone 3g! yipeee, I am so happy! that was around the 28th, and I am so lovin' my new phone, I've never been this attached to a phone since high school =D. Hubby blocked his sim card by accident testing his boss' blackberry, I think, I don't know what that boy did. His boss went with us because he also bought an iphone on that same place. and we switched to At&t because we weren't satisfied with T-mobile anymore =/. years of service, finally a new one! a new start once again. I was supposed to get a blackberry, too but he opted to get an iphone for me, oops I didn't force him to buy me one hehee =P. So he got himself a blackberry curve, it was a great deal coz it had a rebate of full price so actually the phone was free, not bad at all, huh.



I'm also back in Twitterland! feel free to follow me =) HERE. It feels so good to have internet with you wherever you go, now I can blog and check my emails away from home, not to mention visit my fave blogs on the run. my SIL told me the Iphone has some negative issues, I think I know what it is already, but that's ok, I still love it =D.

(sigh) today I was by myself, hubby's at work while Nate was in school. I cried again while huggin my brother's urn. I still can't believe that's him inside... painful talaga, wish I can get over this feeling. I so miss him so much....

thank you, God


We went to Waikiki on the 26th, walked around and took pictures. As we were walking on our way to the Fort De russy parking lot, this person appeared in the middle of nowhere, he was Jamaican, I think, dark skinned, tall person with dreadlocks. he was wearing a decent shirt and shorts with no slippers on. He was walking quietly his face down. I was looking down while walking because Nathan was in a stroller, I was scared, you never know! then as soon as he passed by me he stopped by the bushes and plucked something... a yellow hibiscus flower! and quickly gave it to my mom, mommy said thank you but instead of replying 'you're welcome' he only responded with a soft 'mahalo' (mahalo means thank you in Hawaiian), then off he went. so weird! after that, we all looked at each other and Rachel suddenly said 'he must be and angel!' the flower was yellow and big, its petals were widespread. so pretty! we noticed on our way to the parking lot that most of the hibiscus flowers were already closed since it was night time already. My mom informed Rachel the day before we went to Waikiki that she was hoping that Gully would appear in her dreams carrying a flower to know that he's happy. so weird but true! It was a special night for us. When I saw my watch, guess what time it was? 9:30 pm.


Hello, friends! how are you all doing? for us here, we are doing fine so far. It's been a tough time ever since my brother passed away. but we are trying our best to recover, with God's guidance I know we will overcome these trials being sent our way. My brother's girlfriend Rachel arrived here in Hawaii around Aug. 15th, As soon as we fetched her at the airport that's when we got a call from my mom that Gully is about to be transferred to St. Francis Hospice down by Ewa beach, everything was right timing. Gully was still ok, he still got to sing, chat on the phone, talk story with us but all of a sudden that Saturday the 16th, he started to feel weak and started to talk about things that you know a person would when he is coming close to his end of days. It freaks us out every time he talks about himself leaving us. His request was to be cremated and wanted us to throw his ashes to the sea, which we didn't like, later he told us that we can do whatever we want then as long as he is not to be put in a coffin.

I went home around 6:00 pm that Sunday, the 17th of Aug. He was asking in a weak voice what he would wear on his funeral. I went home and looked through his clothes, no white long sleeve button down shirt so I rushed to buy one for him, I was speeding to the freeway and somehow I wanted to go back to the Hospice, so after preparing for my brother's funeral clothes, hubby ironed it himself since he wasn't satisfied the way I ironed it. to think I wasn't planning to go back since he was still doing good. my mom called me one more time and I told her I was on my way. boy, as soon as I got there his eyes went wide eyed and I knew for sure he waited for me one last time before he left his body. Gully's body was completely numbed already. Rachel told Gully that once he sees angels he should raise his hands, and We saw him did it! he raised both hands and said 'PRAISE THE LORD!'.

That night, Gully's friend who was a pastor stayed there until Gully's last breath, along with his wife and a friend, a missionary from Indonesia. Me and Rachel held his hands until he stopped breathing. Soothing heavenly music was being played in the back, that really broke my heart to pieces because I know any minute he will be gone forever. we kissed and hugged him like there was no tomorrow . little by little his body went cold. we kept on listening if his heart wasn't beating any longer. my mom kept on breathing hard and praying that Gully would soon leave so his suffering would stop already. She couldn't barely see my brother's condition, it was so hard for her. the time was 9:30 pm, A sunday. His favorite day since he loved going to church so much.

He was cremated Aug. 21, 2008. we held a little service for about 30 minutes just the 6 of us. As soon as we walked in the Chapel anticipating what he would look like, there he laid on gurney with lots of blankets and a green quilt over him, he looked so peaceful, like he was only sleeping. We sang and listened to a few bible verses. We couldn't believe he's now gone. for good. the next few days We toured Rachel to the places Where Gully visited here in Hawaii. At home, whatever Gully did that's the way Rachel did. my mom found comfort in her since she was the closest person Gully had in his heart so mom felt that. We donated almost all his stuff to the Cerebral palsy foundation. I am pretty sure Gully would understand that. If we had the space permanently we wouldn't give anything away in a heartbeat. I kept most of my brother's stuff for safekeeping and at the same time will serve as his memories to me.

I am currently planning on his memorial page, Rachel is willing to help me out with it, too. She leaves the Island on Sept. 3rd, along with my mom going to San Diego then to the Philippines. As hard as it feels for us her leaving us, too I just hope we'll all be alright. I don't want her to go far away from me. but since she can't stand being here all alone, I even offered to help her find work so she can be busy. but I couldn't convince her. even spending a few months, maybe a month or two so we can save money for her trip back home. We're in a financial crisis right now since we paid a lot for my brother's funeral. I love my brother and I didn't really care if we did spend a lot since she has no work and Gully didn't had any work either, it was all up to us. I just hope she appreciated everything we did for her. In spite of Gully being gone, she should realize I am still here. We love her. but then We'll just be praying to the Lord to guide her whatever decisions she make.

Thank you so much for all the greetings you guys gave. Most of you saw his pictures there, I didn't share it here anymore since most of his pictures are uploaded on my friendster account. again, thank you. May God bless you all for the kindness you guys have given to me.

farewell, Gully



Gulliver Raymond Bena
June 30, 1986 - Aug. 17, 2008 (9:30 pm - sunday)

He joined our Savior Jesus Christ on a sunday, his favorite day. we love you so much, Gully. thank you for being there always, thank you for the memories, you will be always loved and cherished... we love you, kapatid! mamimiss ka namin! I'm pretty sure he is happy now and HEALED in the arms of God. I can't believe he started strugglng around 12 noon yesterday. We all visited him and I even went home because we thought that he would still be ok. I bought him a white long sleeve shirt and I was speeding through the freeway (which I don't normally do) I wanted to be back home asap and drive again to the Hospice by Ewa beach. in a matter of minutes my brother passed away... they told me that he kept on asking for me, my brother waited for me until his last breath. thank you, Gully! thank you for everything... we love you!

I'll tell the whole story when I'm completely fine. right now I still can't believe he's gone... We are all so heartbroken yet happy because he is not suffering anymore. God bless to each and every one of you who has been supporting me and my family after all these years and all these months. even with the new found friends we had, thank you to all!


Love, Kit and family

a sad one...


Thank you for the visits, kind comments and support, thank you all for the friendship and prayers. THis is a long post for I will be taking out all my emotions out. so please bear with me... It's up to you if want to read on...

We just finished talking to the doctors yesterday, as well as one of his nurse supporters back in Kapiolani. My brother was admitted at Queens medical center. It was a close door meeting, and after they told us that they will stop the treatment, radiation and chemotherapy we broke down in tears. He will be admitted in a Hospice care, they say there is no more cure for it because the Cancer is rapidly increasing among his body, the cancer is not responding to the treatments anymore, if they continue to do so it'll only destroy his organs and might kill his system and might kill the person as well.

In order for him to live longer, he will be put in Hospice care. according to the doctors a lot of people have a lot of misconceptions on what is a Hospice, I did read some of it and my Husband knows a lot about it, too and he described it for us after the doctors talked to us, it's a 24 hour care either at home or a place filled with equipments and full care of people around you. It's not a place that people who are close to their end of days. We cried so much, JOn wanted to cry too but he made himself strong in order for us to be strong, too. Gully is a special person. One of the nurses even went to the meeting eventhough she wasn't needed. After the Nurse and the doctors hugged us, they always whispered in our ear how Gully was a great patient they ever had and how they loved him so much. this touched our hearts. my brother doesn't cry, never did I see him cry. he wasn't an emotional one just like me and mom. he's a warrior. because of God he was strong, full of faith. never stops and never gives up. It's the Lord's will, like what he always tells us.

There's still a lot ahead of him. I just hope God will grant him longer life. we still need more memories to share with him. He is my son's bestfriend (according to Nathan, "uncle Gully is my bestfriend". After a year of his treatment We thought it was the end of it, his plans earlier before that he wanted to join the Navy just like dad and the rest of our relatives. but because of Cancer, I don't think that dream will become a reality after all. He went on a camp around June for about a week, he informed us that a bump appeared close to his neck, so he was on radiation every single day. after 2 weeks he went on a trip to Las Vegas, and with the help of family friends they toured him around the states. but according to him, the trip wasn't to blame for he had a great trip! nothing beats that, says my husband. At least you get to experience touring places you haven't been. he deserved it so much.

He spent at least 2 and a half weeks in the Mainland and got his call that he was coming back the next day because he had a large bump on his back. When he came home he looked so terrible! he was so fine when he left, and now he looked so pale, skinny and weak. He was coughing so badly, we found out he had liquid in his lungs, and one of his lungs collapsed because a tumor appeared on it and it was constantly making liquid making him hard to breathe. MY bestfriend Joan from Korea even called me around 10:30 last night, I was so touched on what she told me, wishing she was the one with cancer because she too had it and it disappeared, a miracle one for her for she wasn't happy with her life but then she had her daughter she had a purpose in life after all, but I guess God has his plans for each of us, so we have to trust God and not quit. We borrowed our life from God and he has the authority to get it back whenever he wanted. I can't believe my brother is leaving us soon to be with our Saviour. I thank him for everything and for the cheer and joy he has given us. I am currently making a webpage specially for him. I'll end this for now.

What Is Rhabdomyosarcoma? you can read on for more info.

pls help me...


friends, I really need all your prayers right now for I just talked to my brother's doctor awhile ago and they needed to talk to us on the 29th in the afternoon, I think it's very serious since according to the doctor a lot of tumors are popping up all over his body. They won't tell us the plan so I know it's pretty serious that they talk with the whole family. oh, God help us... we can't really bear the pain right now... =(



wonderful 6th



lil freebie journal by Nathy. Kjersti lime background. KAY MILLER swirl from the All organic kit. michelle coleman vintage frames. doodles from oodles of ddodles by Melany Violette. pinned and tagged alpha by Amy Wolff. red ribbon wrap, button, and red bow by Skrapkut with love. sunflower by Lazy kitty think spring sampler. cardboards by kelsey smith. lil bows by shabby miss jenn


Today we are celebrating our 6 wonderful years together. 6 fruitful years. I love you, mahal!

NOTE: please pray for my brother who is currently undergoing treatment for his 5th tumor. thank you guys for all the kindness and support... God bless you all. I'm always wondering when is it gonna end? but I don't blame God, coz everything happens for a reason and we never know what kind of miracles that will come our way.

life is so short


My brother just informed us that his cancer came back again. this time it's the 3rd bump! The one from his shoulder vanished then it sprouted once again in his back shoulder. (gasp) When is this going to stop? I feel so sorry for my bro, if only he can stop the sickness this minute.. but that's life. we're just praying and praying not losing hope now.

Speaking of sickness, I want to express my sympathy to my co worker's brother who died from Leukemia. She went to San Fancisco to undergo a bone marrow transplant for her brother since she was the closest match to him. after a few weeks we asked how her bro was doing, she said he was fine, but yesterday we found out that he passed away. it gives me the chills just thinking about it.

Life is indeed short, so we have to make the most of it by showing our love to our loved ones before it's too late. Now It reminds me of that song from the Moffatts.

christmas eve recap


Christmas was great, I had to work christmas eve but luckily our store closed around 3:00 so we went home around 5:30. This was my crew that day, and we had fun, too. It was a busy day but we still got to prepare food like chinese chicken salad, bbq chicken, african chiken curry, some haupia pie and lumpia. picture from left to right, that's me, Leona (filipina), Dawn(korean), center is ate Ana (filipina), Khadijah (african). We did ok that day, thank God. and so that night I took a last pic of our tree....



As we were waiting for 12:00 MN we had a call from my auntie-in-law from San Diego, she didn't sound good.. when my hubby finished talking to her we just learned his auntie from the Philippines just had a stroke and they rushed her in the Hospital in Manila. and then a few hours later we also learned that they did a brain surgery on her, how sad... we were so sad from that news, midnight came we had to forget about it even for a few minutes. my husband loved that auntie of his very much, her children grew up with them in the same house so it was a very tragic moment knowing about that. and yesterday when I cam home from work my mom told me that they are deciding to pull the plug on her. I was shocked to hear that... she's now in her critical condition and we all know once you have brain surgery there's not enough left in your life anymore... so pls. pray for my husband's auntie... we were all dearly close to her... we're all so sad by the news, terribly.. that's why I cannot post more pics right now... my SIL in korea can't make it to go back home in the Philippines, even us we can't afford to leave now... I hope they can understand our situation.

I'll blog again tonight. we'll see... have a great day, friends!

california wildfires


I feel terribly sorry for the people who lost all their homes in the California wildfire. One of my hubby's aunt called us just a few minutes ago and told us about the horrifying story about the fire that damaged a lot of homes you can read the story here...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071023/ap_on_re_us/california_wildfires

I called all our relatives who lived in San Diego and thank God they live far away from it and so far there is no news yet on when they are going to evacuate, I am just praying hard they won't have to, dear Lord please help the people who lost their homes...

Scary, isn't it? that's the only downside of Nature right there, I can't imagine how strong winds can create some damage like this.



Nate's sick..


CREDITS: papers by Jan Crowley (green pint kit). black flower fom Jan Crowley's tulip flambe kit. funky floral kit and Bloggidy flower by Leah Riordan. mother quote by Jenna Robertson. photo frame inspired by Nancy Comelab.

since I don't own any Nancy Comelab's awesome vintage frames I decided to make my own. my son's sick and I have to take him to the hospital now. I'll talk to you guys later. =(

NOTE: I brought back Charmmy Kitty and Honey cute, it was my very first wordpress theme back then. thanks to Valerie and Jays for inspiring me to bring back my girly layouts. and to all thank you for the never ending visits to my blog, I love you all!



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